When Cows Are Family: The Hidden Grief of Farmed Animal Loss

Indra is the founder of Indraloka Animal Sanctuary, a 100-acre safe haven for animals located near Scranton, Pennsylvania. Indra and her team provide compassionate lifetime care for roughly 200 farm animals who have suffered abuse and neglect in our food system.

Indra is also an organizational psychologist certified in Traumatic Stress Studies. On a personal level, Indra is intimately familiar with trauma and loss. At Indraloka, Indra inevitably loses animals she has cared for and formed deep bonds with. And that’s precisely what happened on Monday.

“Every day for 16 years, Gus was my partner in caring for and protecting our herd. She was my Soul Sister,” Indra said, reflecting on her bovine companion. Snuffleupagus, better known as Gus, came to Indraloka in 2008 and became the bovine herd matriarch in 2015. Gus enjoyed the simple pleasures in life, like the taste of pumpkin and basking in the sunshine. While she had been slowing down for a while, her Indra didn’t realize that she was near death.

“On Monday morning, she took a refreshing drink from the pond, then lay down and slipped away peacefully, just as gracefully as she had lived,” Indra said. “I’m grateful she was happy and lived a full life until her final moment. Still, though, I grieve. The animals—especially those who have been with me since the days when it was just us [before the sanctuary expanded]—have become my family. Beloveds like Gus are grounding forces in my life.”

For many people in our society, animals like Gus never merit a second thought. They’re seen as a commodity, valuable only in terms of the milk, meat, or leather they provide. For others, like Indra, they are the whole world. In a culture where countless animals are exploited and killed each year for food, losing a beloved farm animal companion can be one of those most complicated and painful forms of grief.

Grieving farmed animals in a culture that exploits them

For many animal advocates, farmed animal loss isn’t personal—it’s systemic. The vast scale of animal suffering in our food system goes largely unrecognized in our culture. Animal advocates carry the weight of an awareness that billions of animals will never be known as individuals, never experience kindness, and will die without acknowledgement. This loss is made more painful by navigating the grief in a society that refuses to see it as a loss at all.

For most people, consuming farmed animals like cows, pigs, or chickens is a daily occurrence. But for people who have forged a unique relationship to farmed animals—one based on love and protection—witnessing their mass exploitation or losing them as individuals can be especially painful. These kinds of losses can often result in something called disenfranchised grief, a term which refers to the specific type of grief that can follow losses that are not widely acknowledged by society. Disenfranchised grief occurs when the bereaved is unable to fully express their sorrow or receive sufficient support, because society does not recognize the significance of their loss.

Even grieving conventional companion animals like dogs or cats—a more culturally understood loss—can be isolating and complicated. Psychologist Guy Winch writes: “Although grief over the loss of a cherished pet may be as intense and even as lengthy as when a significant person in our life dies, our process of mourning is quite different. Many of the societal mechanisms of social and community support are absent when a pet dies. Few of us ask our employers for time off to grieve a beloved cat or dog because we fear doing so would paint us as overly sentimental, lacking in maturity or emotionally weak. Studies have found that social support is a crucial ingredient in recovering from grief of all kinds.”

For those mourning the loss of a farm animal companion—or the mass slaughter of farmed animals around the globe—there are even more barriers to social understanding and community support. Friends and family members who have never met a cow, a pig, or a chicken—let alone loved them—may struggle to empathize with the loss. More complicated still is the fact that these same friends and family members may consume exploited animals of the same species daily, inadvertently dismissing the grief of the bereaved.

Practical tips for coping with farmed animal loss

Caring deeply about farmed animals can be emotionally taxing. Whether you’re directly involved in animal rescue or passionate about animal welfare issues, it can be heartbreaking to witness the suffering of farmed animals in our culture. For some, this pain stems from supporting rescued animals through the struggles of end-of-life care. For others, it comes from reckoning with the objectification of millions of animals trapped within the food system.

“I have found that I need a strong and daily spiritual practice to help me to retain equanimity doing this work,” Indra said. “I pay strict attention to self-care for me and for my team. This includes adequate time off and a lot of focus on my own health and wellness, with an emphasis on making sure to feel my feelings.”

Indra offers this advice to others struggling with the trauma of farm animal loss: “Number one, give yourself space and permission to feel your feelings, but be aware not to tell yourself stories that cause you to slide from healthy grief into unhealthy feelings of being a victim or otherwise increasing our own pain by overdramatizing it.

Number two, take the time that you need when you are not in crisis to get healthy and strong. I strongly recommend creating a self-care itinerary and sticking to it. I also strongly recommend mindful journaling.”

A self-care itinerary can include taking walks, gratitude journaling, spending time with friends, or any number of other activities that promote your wellness. Indra offers more resources on her substack.

Connecting with others who can relate to your experience can also promote healing. A free virtual grief group is available for animal rescue volunteers and employees who have experienced loss. More information is available through the Facebook group Grief and Grace: Support for Animal Advocates, Rescuers, and Sanctuaries. Other grievers may find solace in simply connecting with friends who share their values and understand their relationship to animals.

Honoring our grief and advocating for change

Indra finds that every resident at the sanctuary, despite the inevitable pain of their loss, deepens her understanding of the universe and strengthens her commitment to compassion.

“Every relationship, whether it be with one of my beloveds that are already rescued and safe at the sanctuary, other animals, or a human, seems to deepen my commitment to compassion and nonviolence and strengthens my advocacy,” Indra said. “Because with each individual that I get to know—even humans—I get clearer in my conviction that we are all the same in all the ways that matter.”

The grief of losing a farm animal companion can feel isolating and invisible in a society that devalues their lives. The bond between Indra and Gus serves as a powerful reminder of the love and connection that flourish when we see animals as individuals, deserving of kindness. By celebrating the animals we love and allowing ourselves to honor our grief, we can find the strength to continue advocating for a future where all animals are treated with dignity and compassion.

“The love and joy are so much bigger than the heartbreak and loss,” Indra said.

Author’s Note: We generally refer to cows, pigs, chickens and other animals in our food system as “farmed animals,” because they are enduring exploitation for use as a commodity. In some instances in this piece, we use the term “farm animals” instead, because we are referring to animals in sanctuary who are now able to live out their lives free from exploitation.